Tiny N's timeline
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Shopping therapy
Voilà, it's done. I took a deep breath, and let myself go on Amazon. Bedding set, plaid, mobile, carpet, bedlamp, wall stickers for tiny N's room. Theme : "travel" (cars, boats, airplanes and trucks). This is it :
I know that babies can only see what's in a 20 cm range, and I know that our little man couldn't care less if his room is green, blue or orange. But let's just say that this is part of the welcoming ritual. And of me facing reality.
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
10 weeks to go
Could be more, could be less. But it's a nice number to start the final countdown. And maybe to start actually preparing the arrival of this baby. Because at this point, nothing is done yet. No baby room, no name (although the short list exists), no godparents, no birth announcements, ...
So I almost choked when the doctor asked me if I had already prepared "ma valise" to go to hospital. Now I can barely look at a pack of diapers without experiencing an anxiety attack - let alone that I'm able to prepare "ma valise"...But okay, apparently it's something that has to be done once you've crossed the 7-months milestone. And when I read the list of what has to be in this "valise", I want to run away even harder. "Disposable underpants" - come again? Sanitary pads, breast pads - okay, I've got it - I will be leaking from all sides and it won't be pretty. Whoever designed the female body to do all this, made some serious engineering mistakes, if you ask me.
P on the other hand is very active in preparing. He managed to get his hands on a maxicosi and isofix carkit; he is a specialist when it comes to buggies; he knows what to look for to determine the right daycare centre, etc. Meanwhile, my head becomes foggier by the minute, and I'm lucky if I even remember to drink the cup of tea I've prepared for the third time.
Luckily, the doctor told me that I'm not a complete nutcase to have all these fears - and that every new mother faces them, sooner or later, before or after birth. And while I sat mumbling away in French, she managed to clearly put into words exactly how and what I felt. She also advised me to go see and talk to someone - which is what I might do. I really want to be able to relax, to be happy and to enjoy this for the last two monts. And actually prepare for the big adventure.
Just one more thing :
telling me how difficult and exhausting the first months are, how utterly painful breastfeeding is, how the delivery can last for 24 hours or longer, how your relationship is bound to suffer and change, how your body will never be the same afterwards, how you have absolutely no time left for yourself, how an epidural can go wrong, how the episotomy can ruin your sex life for more than a year, etc, etc.....All that is really NOT helping me. Even if it's told with the best intentions. Even if it's followed by a weak "but it's also nice, you know". I hope everybody got the message.
So I almost choked when the doctor asked me if I had already prepared "ma valise" to go to hospital. Now I can barely look at a pack of diapers without experiencing an anxiety attack - let alone that I'm able to prepare "ma valise"...But okay, apparently it's something that has to be done once you've crossed the 7-months milestone. And when I read the list of what has to be in this "valise", I want to run away even harder. "Disposable underpants" - come again? Sanitary pads, breast pads - okay, I've got it - I will be leaking from all sides and it won't be pretty. Whoever designed the female body to do all this, made some serious engineering mistakes, if you ask me.
P on the other hand is very active in preparing. He managed to get his hands on a maxicosi and isofix carkit; he is a specialist when it comes to buggies; he knows what to look for to determine the right daycare centre, etc. Meanwhile, my head becomes foggier by the minute, and I'm lucky if I even remember to drink the cup of tea I've prepared for the third time.
Luckily, the doctor told me that I'm not a complete nutcase to have all these fears - and that every new mother faces them, sooner or later, before or after birth. And while I sat mumbling away in French, she managed to clearly put into words exactly how and what I felt. She also advised me to go see and talk to someone - which is what I might do. I really want to be able to relax, to be happy and to enjoy this for the last two monts. And actually prepare for the big adventure.
Just one more thing :
telling me how difficult and exhausting the first months are, how utterly painful breastfeeding is, how the delivery can last for 24 hours or longer, how your relationship is bound to suffer and change, how your body will never be the same afterwards, how you have absolutely no time left for yourself, how an epidural can go wrong, how the episotomy can ruin your sex life for more than a year, etc, etc.....All that is really NOT helping me. Even if it's told with the best intentions. Even if it's followed by a weak "but it's also nice, you know". I hope everybody got the message.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Cry-baby
Well, what can I say? It goes on. And on. And on. I feel like I've been pregnant for 2 years or more. I miss my old self. And I'm scared as hell.
While P is growing more and more into this ( picturing himself and Tiny N watching war movies together, going to the gym together, etc), all I'm thinking is "I can't do this!". And I'm the one who has been dreaming about motherhood for the last 10 years. I feel like one of those people who go completely crazy, and screw up everything, after winning the lottery.
I cry because P's mom tells me to look at baby stuff in the UK.
I cry because the Eurostar guard tells me I can't take my tea through security.
I have even cried with more than one Bones episode (but season 6 was a bit more emotional than usual, wasn't it? Please say "yes").
I tell P 10 times a week how much I love him, because I have this irrational fear that I'm going to loose him once this baby is born.
I spend hours, days, choosing the decoration for the nursery, and then I don't buy it, simply because I get so scared. And, yes, I end up crying again.
Maybe I should talk to my OB, although I feel she never takes anything I say seriously.
On the positive side:
I've slept better the past week. Or maybe I'm just getting used to my 5 AM wake-up calls (= Tiny N's early work-out session).
Our landlord installed a banister - so less chance of me falling down the stairs.
I found a remedy against heartburn that doesn't make me nauseous.
The leg cramps got better (but are not entirely gone).
And still no stretch marks thanks to good old Nivea.
While P is growing more and more into this ( picturing himself and Tiny N watching war movies together, going to the gym together, etc), all I'm thinking is "I can't do this!". And I'm the one who has been dreaming about motherhood for the last 10 years. I feel like one of those people who go completely crazy, and screw up everything, after winning the lottery.
I cry because P's mom tells me to look at baby stuff in the UK.
I cry because the Eurostar guard tells me I can't take my tea through security.
I have even cried with more than one Bones episode (but season 6 was a bit more emotional than usual, wasn't it? Please say "yes").
I tell P 10 times a week how much I love him, because I have this irrational fear that I'm going to loose him once this baby is born.
I spend hours, days, choosing the decoration for the nursery, and then I don't buy it, simply because I get so scared. And, yes, I end up crying again.
Maybe I should talk to my OB, although I feel she never takes anything I say seriously.
On the positive side:
I've slept better the past week. Or maybe I'm just getting used to my 5 AM wake-up calls (= Tiny N's early work-out session).
Our landlord installed a banister - so less chance of me falling down the stairs.
I found a remedy against heartburn that doesn't make me nauseous.
The leg cramps got better (but are not entirely gone).
And still no stretch marks thanks to good old Nivea.
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Hello last trimester!
Here we are : the final and last trimester. I can't imagine getting any bigger or even more tired, but it's bound to happen anyway.
The few hours of sleep I get every night are filled with the most awful nightmares. To give you an idea, this week I dreamed:
- about women giving birth to elephants (scary bussiness)
- about getting kicked out of our apartment (somehow by my parents and P's mom!) and having no place to stay with the baby.
- about P leaving me for someone "who at least still looked sexy" (his words, in my dream), and taking my favourite teddy bear with him.
Then I wake up screaming as if someone is about to kill me with a knife (that one I also dreamed), and I wake up everybody else - including Tiny N (and maybe the neighbours)
For another nightly bliss - the leg cramps - relief is hopefully on its way. The doctor prescribed me magnesium tablets - which should also help against the annoying contractions I get every time I walk more than 10 minutes.
The gluco test came back with good results - I can deal with huge amounts of sugar (hey, I already knew that :-). And everything else is okay with Tiny N too. He's in very good shape, and according to the doctor, he'll weigh at least 3.5 kg at birth (I don't know if I should feel happy about this). He's happily kicking his feet against my ribs, and if I sit in a position which he doesn't find comfy, he let's me know in ways that can't be misunderstood. Sometimes I can feel his heartbeat through my belly, and I can also distinctly feel his different bodyparts moving inside me (feet, knees, hands).
Our little man already visited Paris 2 weeks ago, and will be on his way to discover London next weekend. New York will have to be post-natal :-). I hope to find something cool for him in Harrod's (having spent next to nothing yet, I feel totally allowed). Let's just hope the magnesium will have kicked in by Friday!
The few hours of sleep I get every night are filled with the most awful nightmares. To give you an idea, this week I dreamed:
- about women giving birth to elephants (scary bussiness)
- about getting kicked out of our apartment (somehow by my parents and P's mom!) and having no place to stay with the baby.
- about P leaving me for someone "who at least still looked sexy" (his words, in my dream), and taking my favourite teddy bear with him.
Then I wake up screaming as if someone is about to kill me with a knife (that one I also dreamed), and I wake up everybody else - including Tiny N (and maybe the neighbours)
For another nightly bliss - the leg cramps - relief is hopefully on its way. The doctor prescribed me magnesium tablets - which should also help against the annoying contractions I get every time I walk more than 10 minutes.
The gluco test came back with good results - I can deal with huge amounts of sugar (hey, I already knew that :-). And everything else is okay with Tiny N too. He's in very good shape, and according to the doctor, he'll weigh at least 3.5 kg at birth (I don't know if I should feel happy about this). He's happily kicking his feet against my ribs, and if I sit in a position which he doesn't find comfy, he let's me know in ways that can't be misunderstood. Sometimes I can feel his heartbeat through my belly, and I can also distinctly feel his different bodyparts moving inside me (feet, knees, hands).
Our little man already visited Paris 2 weeks ago, and will be on his way to discover London next weekend. New York will have to be post-natal :-). I hope to find something cool for him in Harrod's (having spent next to nothing yet, I feel totally allowed). Let's just hope the magnesium will have kicked in by Friday!
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Quote of the day
"Having a baby is like having a tattoo on your face"
(Viola Davis in "Eat Pray Love")
(Viola Davis in "Eat Pray Love")
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Numbers and facts
The numbers :
- our little man is now more or less 37 cm long, and weighs 1 kg
- in 1 week I'll be starting the third and final trimester
- we've got 90 days to go, or 3 months
- I've gained 6,5 kg
- my waist is now 102 cm
- as cupsize is in letters, I can keep silent about that one.
- up until now, I've spent only 60 Eur on baby clothes - which I find even more surprising than my waistline.
- we found not 1, but 2 daycare centres - and we still have to make up our minds.
- this morning, I had to drink 250 ml of the most discusting stuff ever to test for pregnancy diabetes
- I walk at the staggering speed of 2km/hour
The other facts :
- Overcoming your fears by looking them straight in the face is a psychological theory that failed big time on me. Just to say I nearly fainted while visiting the maternity ward where I'll be giving birth, and that I was in emotional shock for two days afterwards.
- I drop everything.
- I got lost walking to school (where I've been teaching for the last 2 years)
- The tiny bit of rationality I had, is also lost. It's the tyranny of emotions.(despite the futile attempt to write a blog post based on numbers and facts).
- P is the most patient, most loving dad-to-be in the whole wide world.
- our little man is now more or less 37 cm long, and weighs 1 kg
- in 1 week I'll be starting the third and final trimester
- we've got 90 days to go, or 3 months
- I've gained 6,5 kg
- my waist is now 102 cm
- as cupsize is in letters, I can keep silent about that one.
- up until now, I've spent only 60 Eur on baby clothes - which I find even more surprising than my waistline.
- we found not 1, but 2 daycare centres - and we still have to make up our minds.
- this morning, I had to drink 250 ml of the most discusting stuff ever to test for pregnancy diabetes
- I walk at the staggering speed of 2km/hour
The other facts :
- Overcoming your fears by looking them straight in the face is a psychological theory that failed big time on me. Just to say I nearly fainted while visiting the maternity ward where I'll be giving birth, and that I was in emotional shock for two days afterwards.
- I drop everything.
- I got lost walking to school (where I've been teaching for the last 2 years)
- The tiny bit of rationality I had, is also lost. It's the tyranny of emotions.(despite the futile attempt to write a blog post based on numbers and facts).
- P is the most patient, most loving dad-to-be in the whole wide world.
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