100

100, as in 100 days to go - more or less.
100, as in 100 cm. As in : my waistline. Or what is left of it. (great idea of mine, this little measuring experiment).
I have a waistline of 1 METER. Can you believe that? And it's only going to get bigger.
These are the remarks I get to hear on a daily basis:
"Wow, it's really *visible*!"
"C'est pour bientôt?" (= pretty soon now?)
"You're sure it's just one?"
"So, what? One more month to go?"
"It's going to be a big one!"

So, people, YES - I know I look 8 months pregnant.
And YES, I also have all the side effects of someone who's 8 months pregnant. (as in it hurts, it's bloody heavy, it's pressing against my lungs and cutting of my breath, and a good night's sleep is something I can only dream of).
But NO, I'm not carrying twins.
And NO, he's not exceptionally big. His mommy is just on the small side.
NO, it's not for "bientôt", I still have three months to go.

I think I'll put that last one on a t-shirt.

Hormones & pink clouds

I’m tired – but you already knew that. Even more annoying however, is the weepiness. I feel like I’m the baby here: needy, clingy, and constantly on the brink of tears. “Stop it”, “get a grip” I tell myself time and again, “You’ve got every damn reason to be happy”. But it doesn’t help. I want to crawl into P’s arms, away from the big, bad world. Like a toddler, I’m hanging onto his sleeve in the morning, begging him not to go to work yet. Of course, all books and websites once again tell me this is “normal”, and nothing to be worried about. It’s the hormones. And that’s it. Really helpful.

Also very helpful, is the whole what I’d like to call “pink cloud charade”. Ask anyone who’s pregnant how she feels, and you will get “oh, fine” or even “great” as an answer; even if at that moment she can’t take a seat because of the hemorrhoids. So if I, in all my honesty, blurt out “well, okay, but really tired” – I already get surprised looks.

So if you’ve never been pregnant (or had a partner who is/was), you’re bound to think it’s a walk in the park. Then you get pregnant, and your body is starting to act totally out of control. ( the only thing you knew about - the vomiting - is actually not happening). You take a look in “What to expect when you’re expecting” and you find out that it’s all completely normal.

Sometimes however, it seems I’m not the only one falling of the pink cloud.  Picture this: Saturday evening, a party for 16 people at our place. One of my friends is also pregnant, just 4 weeks ahead of me. Another girl, talking to the two of us : “But look at you two, you’re both looking great! You’re not far from your due-date, and you’re really in great shape”. Answer of my friend (said with a very big smile): “Oh no, we’re just pasting smiles on our faces. Actually, we’re really suffering right now, and we’re dead-tired”. I could’ve hugged and kissed her at that very moment. Finally, I didn’t feel like the weird, ugly duckling in the pond anymore.

First decision

There, I did it. I took the first decision about tiny N's life. It came with a few sleepless nights (what's new?), an online search about the impact of second language learning at a very early age, a first, and a second visit (only to confirm my first impressions). Et voilà : tiny N has a "crèche" or daycare centre as of January 2012.

Daddy hasn't seen it, but "trusts my instincts" - nice, but that didn't make it any easier to take this plunge. This is not a decision about yourself, about work, about some client, ...This is a decision like I never had to take one before : about our little baby - and who's going to take care of him on an almost daily basis when he'll only be four months old. Pretty important, I think.

But I'm happy that the search is finally over - no more impossible waiting lists, no more phone calls, etc. A sunny Sunday walk , and not hours of online searching, brought us coincidentally to the place we needed. A 5 minute walk from our door, friendly people, clean , a nice big garden for outdoor playing, and well, yes, the opportunity to start learning French at a very early age (still not so sure about that one, but we'll see).

Now I'm just very, very tired; I feel weepy, and I wish I could crawl in bed for the rest of the day. Just me and tiny N, giving little punches to eachother.

upside down!

Tiny N has found some new perspective! For the first time, our little man is standing (or rather floating) on his head. So the strange feeling I had in my lower belly the past few days, was finally explained by today's ultrasound.

Other new experiences of the day: I visited a daycare that a) I like, b) is within walking distance and... c) still has a free spot! So who knows...maybe that's one thing less to worry about.

I also found  a fysiotherapist for my pre-natal excercises - who at the same time runs a spa specialising in beauty and relaxation treatments for pregnant women (what more can I want?). And I have all the paper work to start planning and reserving my stay in the hospital of my choice.

There - in one day, we've suddenly made a lot of progress!

Love...

“I love you so much it hurts”

People say

And in a way

it’s true, you know

‘Cause look what love has done

In the oven there’s a little bun

Kicking his innocent mum

Giving her back aches and indigestion

Nightly nose bleeds, just for fun

“Love is all you need”

They say

And indeed  

Day after day

I discover how your hugs and kisses

Will make the little pains go away

(although the big ones stay)

“Love is a many splendored thing”

Is what they sing

And let me just begin

With your comforting words

“it’s only the hormones raging”

Or the lovely compliment

That I look like the glass bin

“Love is two hands on one belly”

Is a saying in Dutch

Which right now

Means very much

It’s you and me (and tiny P)

Getting adjusted to different shapes and sizes

There's now so much more N to love

(although my feet have disappeared, from above)

“L’amour c’est pour toujours”

Is what they say in France

And there’s quite a chance

Our little man is here to stay

So this is really all I wanted to say:

P, I love you in every possible way.

Which is quite impressive

Considering you call me massive ;-)

Second trimester ultrasound

Last week, "the whole family" went to hospital for the second trimester ultrasound. Once again, lots of measurings and testings - on screen, everthing looked perfect, now it's still waiting for the results of my "bodily fluids".
Tiny N now weighs more than half a kilo, and is almost 30 cm long from head to heel! As he's getting bigger and bigger, and more active, I can see him squirm underneath my clothes from time to time. Really funny, that moving belly!

On the side-effects radar, two new things:
- irregular, or sudden very high, heart beatings. Appears to be normal (as every other abnormal and annoying thing during this pregnancy)
- stronger (and fast growing!) fingernails! I finally have the nails I always dreamed of!

Still no sign of that great glowing skin or beautiful hair though. Quite the contrary, I might say.
And nights remain to be largely sleepless - with back pains, moving tiny N, and moving P. And me in the middle...